We wanted to do a proper Christmas post—you know, something festive, witty, and lightly seasoned with our signature sarcasm. But here’s the thing: we don’t want you tuning in to wheresmyambulance.com when you should be spending time with family and friends. So, Christmas from the Where’s My Ambulance team is coming early this year, like a poorly-timed dispatch to a "flu-like symptoms" call.
As the year winds down, we’ve got an exciting 2025 ahead (and by "exciting," we mean we’ll keep poking at the broken EMS system until something gives). After you’ve read our early Christmas message, stick around for our Year in Review. Spoiler alert: AHS didn’t make Santa’s nice list.
And if you haven’t already, please consider a donation to our GiveSendGo: https://www.givesendgo.com/GC4M8 . Your generosity is what fuels our quest for change and helps us keep the stories flowing—because a better EMS system doesn’t come gift-wrapped. Merry Early Christmas, and let’s keep fighting the good fight! ‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through Alberta,
Only 60% of ambulances staffed, with casuals opting for a "no thanks" instead.
The radios crackled with desperate despair,
But too few crews—stuck in hospital hallways—could even care.
Crews wrapped Meemaw in blankets from the ER with care,
While supervisors ran in circles, asking, “What’s the plan?”—completely unaware.
In trudged a rural ambulance, it's patient walking in stride,
The only unit in town—because the hospital was too cheap to call a cab or get family to provide.
Managers had begged in the days before this night,
Emails pleading for overtime—ignored, deleted outright.
Crews, hungry and tired, begged for a quick break,
“Denied—calls pending!” The system glowed red—no time to take.
The CAD rang, the radios chimed, and the phones began to ping,
A Health Link referral—runny nose, no car—“Transport only,”
they sing. Is it the moon? Is it the stars in the sky?
No, it’s management’s incompetence that leaves you high and dry.
With a nervous old supervisor, slow as could be,
They muttered, “This is what management wanted, you see.”
Refusing to budge, too proud to admit the repair,
It's flaws unclaimed—tonight, paramedics are left to despair.
Calls flooded the system, chaos in full flight,
Management asleep, out of sight.
“We did all we could! We gave it our best!” they’ll claim,
Shifting the blame with no shame to their name.
“It’s not just us; it’s a problem everywhere!” they’ll cry,
Dodging the truth while their systems run dry.
Blasted by Don and the media’s roar,
They’ll spin more lies to avoid answering for their core.
While chaos swirled in the frosty night air,
The medics, exhausted, from head to their feet,
Hoped they'd remember—it’s not history repeating, but defeat on repeat.
Every year it’s the same—“Who wants overtime?” they plead,
Hoping that’ll save them, or so they believe.
The staff are sick of the lies, the empty promises made,
No amount of cash will fix the mess they’ve laid.
This one’s on them, no excuses or disguise,
Their lack of imagination is where their failure lies.
Management tells the government, "All’s fine!"
And to the public, "An ambulance will come in time."
But when the exhausted medic arrives, weary and tense,
It’s a visit from HR’s pitbull, waiting to dispense.
With crazy eyes and a "friendly" disguise,
She’ll wave a warning letter, oh so wise,
Eager to hand it to the medic who's hurting,
As if their pain is something deserving of flirting.
On this Christmas Eve, management says they’ve prepared,
But the schedule’s a joke—it’s Swiss cheese, they’ve dared.
Guess what? New Year’s Eve will be no better—worse, in fact,
And management’s plan?
They’ve got none—just more of the same despair. A Year in Review: The Where’s My Ambulance Rise
For a while, we didn’t quite know how to get our message out there. Let’s just say subtlety was never our strong suit, but we were missing the spark to ignite our rebellion. Then, along came a very foolish Calgary Zone supervisor who unintentionally gave us the cash injection we needed to launch www.wheresmyambulance.com! And what a launch it’s been.
Back on March 28th, we had a handful of lawn signs and 38 reads on our first post. Today? We’ve blown past 1,000 readers with Dude, Where’s My Staff?—an ironic title for a system that can’t seem to keep any.
This year, reporters and politicians alike have been tuning in. We even scored a meeting with Danielle Smith, who proudly handed us some “canned” EMS performance stats—straight from AHS EMS. It was almost too easy to pick apart their inaccuracies line by line. If you’re wondering, no, she didn’t love the fact-checking session.
Our blog and memes have made the news again and again. Whether it was AHS claiming Stampede staffing was “fine” (spoiler: it wasn’t) or us calling out the mass exodus of paramedics while AHS flailed around trying to hire replacements, we’ve stayed loud and unfiltered.
The Alberta Paramedics Association even gave us a shoutout! Sure, their AGM turned into a slow-motion train wreck shortly after, but hey, nobody’s perfect.
More recently, we secured another meeting—this time with Chris Nickerson, Assistant Deputy Minister. And there’s more to come. Let’s just say 2024’s calendar is already looking busy.
Now, for the fun stuff: the investigation launched against us by the Alberta College of Paramedics (ACoP). What was meant to silence us turned into an unintentional publicity stunt. We were actually disappointed when the complaint was withdrawn; it had turned into a lightning rod for our popularity. Management must’ve realized how unpopular they truly are that day.
And who could forget the cease-and-desist letter? Sure, we maybe flew a little too close to the sun on that one, but it gave us a roadmap. Now, every critique we make is based in fact, backed by FOIP requests, and so legit even AHS legal can’t argue with it.
Our social media has exploded, and the momentum keeps building. By this time next year, we hope to count our followers in the thousands and rely less on the EMS Rants page for post announcements (though we’ll always share there—it’s tradition).
Looking ahead, we’re doubling down on two major trends:
How AHS has turned EMS into a terrible place to work.
How AHS has failed to adequately serve Alberta communities with this essential public safety service.
This fight isn’t cheap, and that’s where we need your help. Every donation to our GiveSendGo fuels the FOIP requests, stories, and memes that shine a spotlight on the broken system. So, if you believe in our mission to make EMS what Albertans deserve, consider donating—no amount is too small.
Thank you for reading, supporting, and believing in us. We can’t wait to bring you more in the coming year.Donate here
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