Last year, Alberta Health Services EMS gifted us all with their favorite New Year’s resolution: "We swear we’ve got this under control!" Spoiler alert—they didn’t. Instead, they fed the media carefully curated stats, hollow assurances, and promises that smelled suspiciously like the sweaty desperation of someone bluffing through their last hand in poker.
Meanwhile, we took one look at the actual numbers and thought, “Oh, sweet Alberta, this is going to hurt.” And hurt it did. The staff shortages, ambulance shutdowns, and general chaos painted a very different picture from the one AHS tried to sell. It was less "progress and improvement" and more "cover your ears and scream la-la-la while reality implodes."
So, as we roll into 2024, AHS is already tuning up for their greatest hits. You know the ones: “This year will be better!” and “The situation is manageable!” But before we let them gaslight us into another spin cycle, let’s rewind to the first obvious lie of 2023 and compare it to the cold, unvarnished data.
Rewind to New Year’s Eve 2023. AHS rolled out their signature tactic: spinning a crisis into “business as usual.” When we tipped off the media about the impending ambulance shutdowns in the Calgary Zone, AHS’s response was practically performance art in the genre of corporate vagueness.
Their masterpiece? “Patients in the Calgary Zone who need EMS care will continue to receive it.” Translation: “We’re crossing our fingers and praying nothing catches fire—or at least not more than usual.”
And then came their pièce de résistance: “Vacant shift numbers may decline leading up to the shift itself.” Ah yes, the good old “We hope someone, anyone, will volunteer to bail us out of this flaming dumpster.” It all sounded so reassuring—until you scratched the surface and found the raw, stinking truth they hoped no one would notice.
In our corner, we boldly reported that 20 ambulances would be out of service that night—a disaster on its own. But when the dust settled, the final count was far worse: 34 ambulances shut down. That’s not just a failure; that’s the EMS equivalent of showing up to a potluck with an empty casserole dish and calling it “innovative.”
And don’t let AHS fool you into thinking this was an isolated incident. The New Year’s Eve numbers over the last five years reveal a system swirling down the drain faster than their budget for spin doctors:
2022: 41 ambulances shut down
2021: 37 ambulances shut down
2020: 10 ambulances shut down
2019: 4 ambulances shut down
2018: 1 ambulance shut down
See the pattern? The only thing trending faster than these shutdown numbers is AHS’s ability to creatively redefine what “under control” means.
But here’s where the joke really turns dark: 88 vacant shifts are already staring us down for New Year’s Eve 2024. Eighty-eight! That’s before factoring in how many folks might book off once they realize AHS’s plan for the night is a combination of wishful thinking and prayer circles.
So, who’s rushing into the breach to fill those 88 shifts? Spoiler: probably not the exhausted, overworked paramedics who’ve been ringing in every New Year by wondering how they’ll survive their shift. If you think this year won’t break last year’s record for “How Not to Run an EMS Service,” well, we’ve got a bridge to sell you.
The truth is, AHS isn’t dealing with a one-time problem. They’ve perfected the art of denial, deflection, and distraction. When paramedics quit in droves, they trot out recruitment numbers while ignoring why staff are leaving faster than AHS can send out their spin-heavy press releases. When ambulances are shut down, they call them “non-emergency units,” as if slapping a new label on the problem will make it vanish.
At this point, AHS’s playbook is more predictable than a Hallmark movie, except nobody gets a happy ending.
The numbers don’t lie, but Alberta Health Services sure loves to. New Year’s Eve 2023 was just the opening act for their ongoing strategy of “deny, deflect, and distract.” Now, with 88 shifts unfilled for 2024, the stage is set for another record-breaking disaster.
So, AHS, here’s our New Year’s resolution: we’ll be here, fact-checking your every word, exposing your every spin, and holding you accountable for every failure. Spin all you like—2024 is shaping up to be your worst act yet, and this time, we’ll make sure everyone’s watching.
Коментарі